Divorce is a devastating thing for anyone to go through and it is sometimes difficult to know what to say to a friend or family member who is going through this tough, life-altering experience. In the midst of being supportive it is easy to make the mistake of saying the wrong thing so we have provided this list of things you should NEVER say.
1. “I knew it would happen eventually.”
Really? Well, thanks for the support. This is a terrible thing to tell someone going through one of the hardest moments of their life. It is basically saying “I didn’t believe in you two in the first place.”
2. “This too shall pass.”
Deep down we know it’ll be ok. Eventually. But telling us it it will all pass trivializes that what we are going through is indeed a big deal.
3. “But he seemed like such a nice guy!”
He probably is a nice guy which is why we married him in the first place. Lots of things contribute to a divorce though and telling us that you think he was nice doesn’t help us with our grieving process.
4. “Did you try hard enough?”
This one is probably the most insulting thing you could say. It insinuates that we just got mad one day and decided to call the marriage quits. Chances are there were many problems, discussions, and potentially lots of counseling sessions that finally led to such a life-altering decision. Never assume that we didn’t try hard enough.
5. “How are you going to take care of your family alone?”
You may not believe that we are a good enough mother to tackle being a single-parent but we definitely don’t need to hear it right when we are in the thick of things. Chances are the prospect of taking care of our kids alone is very scary so what we really need to hear from our friends is that you will be there to help if we ever need it.
6. “At least you don’t have kids.”
Talk about adding salt to the wound! While having children does make divorce much more complex, nobody needs to be reminded that not only do they not have a husband anymore but they don’t have any children either.
7. “It’ll be tough to start over at your age.”
This is just mean. Divorce is a very emotional and stressful experience and it can make any woman feel undesirable and leave them feeling like they may never have companionship again. We definitely don’t ever need to be telling a woman that they are too “old” to find love again.
8. “I almost got divorced once.”
And that is relevant how? Even though you are probably trying to sympathize it isn’t a good idea to make the situation about yourself or something that you have gone through. Every situation is different and we don’t need to hear about how you used to have troubles and worked your way through it, because clearly our marriage did not have the same outcome.
9. “You’ll find someone else!”
Right now we are still devastated at the loss of our husband, no matter what the circumstances. So hearing that we will find a replacement quickly is not comforting.
10. “You’re going to love it! The single life is way better.”
Again, maybe this will be true. But wait for us to tell you that we are ready to embrace the single life before celebrating. The grieving process of divorce takes time and jumping into the “single life” isn’t always the best way to heal.
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